List : Ramadhan dan Syawal

Ramadhan. Syawal. Apa yang patut aku buat ya?

Di Bulan Ramadhan. Aku akan buat ataupun cuba membuat...

- Berpuasa (Wajiblah, bukan lagi mencuba), membaca Al - Qura'an... Ringkasnya, beramal.
- Menonton Jejak Rasul di TV3. Kali ini Jejak Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. Dapatlah menyaksikan keadaan di Masjidil Haram dengan lebih dekat.
- Ringankan tulang ke dapur menyediakan persungkaian. Jangan membazir saja.
- Ringankan tulang membantu apa yang patut dan yang di suruh.
- Dapatkan tidur tengah hari sebanyak mungkin. Haha. Maklum saja, sudah masuk kampus nanti, tidak dapat tidur di waktu tengah hari.
- Hantar baju Hari Raya.
- Tukar kupon untuk minuman. Dapat juga untuk Hari Raya nanti.
- Di hujung Ramadhan pula, sibukkan diri membuat kek dan biskut untuk Hari Raya.
- Perlukah kasut dan beg baru? Kalau ada duit lebih saja.
- Kalau ada duit lebih, membeli gula-gula dan coklat untuk hidangan di Hari Raya.
- Mengemas rumah. Terutamanya di ruang tamu. Perasan jadi interior designerlah buat seketika.

Woah. semangat nampak hendak berhari raya. Puasa baru beberapa hari.

Apa yang aku patut buat dan cuba membuat di Bulan Syawal...

- Rajinkan diri bertandang ke rumah saudara. Supaya saling kenal mengenali di antara aku dan saudara mara.
- Pandai-pandailah balik awal dari kerja. Bagi sajalah alasan-alasan bodoh.
- Rajinkan diri berpuasa Qadha di bulan Syawal. Cepat habis qadha kan bagus.
- Control sikit makan. Maklum sajalah badan bukan langsing lagi. Lagipun, di Hari Raya, penyakit gastrik sering berkunjung tiba. Makanan entah apa, semua berminyak-minyak.
- Rajinkan diri bertandang kerumah kawan. Lama tidak berjumpa, sebulan menahan nafsu, sekaranglah masanya untuk bergosip.
- Control duit lagi. Maklum saja, setelah berhabis di waktu Ramadhan, tentu kesan kewangan akan mula nampak di Waktu Syawal.

Hmmm. Bagus juga list aku kali ini ya. Tunggu sajalah di bulan Zukaedah, bagaimana kesudahannya. Menjadi atau tidak.

Infatuation, Obsession and Love

I searched the web for the definition for all three terms. Lots of different difinition, and these are the ones that I like best and something I could relate to my experience.

Infatuation : An extravagant, short-lived romantic attachment.
Obsession : Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
Love : Need I explain this?

Hmmm. I'm going to talk 'rojak'. I'm sure ramai yang pernah melalui detik-detik seperti ini. Over the years, I have experienced lotsa insane things. Not that teruklah. But it was really stupid.

Let's talk about obsession. Aku pernah mengalaminya. I was obsessed with the idea of chasing someone. I had a massive crush on this guy when I was in Form 4. He was my senior. I was obsessed in getting his attention and all those stupid things. I did lotsa stupid things. I wrote his name all over my note book. Well, not exactly his name. My friend and I ada codename for him. It was funny. I would spend money to buy internet card, just so I could see him online and try to chat him up. I would look for him and try getting him to notice me. worst, I steal his test paper. Not exactly steal, my friend's father was a teacher there. She steal his test paper for me. It was pathetic. Once he was no longer in my school, I get over him like that. I was obsessed with the idea of having someone to crush to. Haha.

Another case of obsession. This happened 2 years ago. I had a very short lived relationship with a guy. It was only about 4 weks or so. I was obsessed with him and all. Of course at that time, I thought I was in love. I was insane about him, that I tried to be someone else, just to make him happy. I know, another pathetic case. In the end he hurt me so bad. Although it only took me a week to get over him. Lawaknya, during the stupid month with him, I never tell him that I miss him or love him. I wasn't really sure about my feelings. He told me that and I wouldn't respond back. Now I know why. When he hurt me, he told me that we should be friends. I wasn't ready for that. But once I get over him and gotten myself a new guy, he was bitter. I was like, "dude, it was I the one who was s'pose to be bitter, not you. Can't take reality check?". It was an obsession. I was obsessed with the idea of getting him.

Infatuation, or basically, a crush. Hmph. When I was in upper six, I had a crush on this guy. He was a friend of a friend. It was short lived. I tried to get his attention. I even let my friend talked me into calling him, which I eventually did. When I get no response, I gave up. I mean, c'mon, he's not handsome, and having someone pretty like me crushing on me, he should feel lucky. LOL. He's prolly gay for all I care. haha.

Another crush was this guy that I like so much. Another one of a friend of a friend. Got his number, text him up and become fast friend. I had a crush on him, but once I know he has girlfriend's'. I gave up and we remains friends. I also had a crush on a dear friend of mine. Well, he was a friend and a good listener, memang sukar. The infatuation, it was short lived, I value our friendship more than anything. We grew apart though and I haven't heard from him for ages. It's funny right?

Love? Ah. When I was younger, I was so bitter. I don't believe in 'cinta monyet'. Bila di tanya aku ada boyfriend atau tidak, jawapanku selalunya, "I don't believe love exists in such age, It was merely an infatuation or rather an obsession". I know people hate me for that. Semua orang hangat bercinta. My 3 close friends pun hangat bercinta. Hanya aku yang sibuk bercerita tentang crush. In the end, all the relationships tidak menjadi. For me, the word "I love you" memang mahal. Aku cuma akan menyatakannya kalau aku benar-benar love that person. Kalau selalu di ucapkan, murah pula perkataan itu. I have always cherish love. I believe that Love would make everything better, I believe that we can't live without love. We need love so badly, be it loving GOD, family and friends and significant other. I don't believe in love at first sight/site. why? come one, bukankah selalu ci katakan, don't judge a book by it's cover. Kalau Love at first sight, kita hanaya memandang luaran.

I have found love in about 22 months ago. It's a new feeling. Something I have not experience before. For once, aku menyatakan "I love you" kepada seorang lelaki tanpa ragu-ragu. It was worth the waiting, kerana I really feel it. Bukan sekadar perasaan kosong. It's been almost 2 years, and I am still in love and never get tired of saying the words. Love is such beutiful thing.

Last Saturday, I told my friend Mia, "Jangan mencari cinta, biar ia datang sendiri". True. Setiap kali mencari cinta, I end up getting my heart broken, love came to me without me noticing it.

- sekadar pandangan dari kaca mataku -

One in a Million : Suki

Finally, it’s all over. I never want to watch the show in the first place, until I read somehwhere that Farah was in it. I watched the audition and all until the grand finale. Some people might say it was not as meriah as Af. Who cares? I still think the show is way better than AF. At least more than half of the contestants were bearable to listen to. Nyeh.

Since day one, I made it clear that I was rooting for Farah eventhough she ain’t that good this time around. I still dig her. She was my number one choice in Malaysian Idol 2. I like Azfar too. He has this unique sound which showed perfectly in his rendition of that Dewa 19’s song that Amirul form AF ruined. He did way better than Amirul. Oh hell, Amirul ruined the song, while Azfar gave a new touch to the song. It was incredible. I like Suki for being her. Her performance may not be that good, but she keep on doing her best. She’s young and she can go further.

I know many dissed Suki for winning the money. Who cares? Who cares if she eventually would only sing in Mandarin and only make it big in Taiwan and Hongkong. Who give a damned? For all I care, there are many malays that actually listen to songs in foreign language. My ringtone is Ayumi Hamasaki’s voyage and it’s in japanese. I know many people who listents to Mandarin and other foreign language. She’s chinese, and she’s comfortable with her mother tongue. So what?! I don't see that many malay sings in Mandarin.

I don’t like Faizal and Dayang. Simply because they tried so hard. Dayang strucked me as a Beyonce wannabe and to think of that I don’t even like Beyonce. To Dayang’s fans who wanna dissed me, get over it. I am entitled for my opinion, and I believe that not everyone have the same taste in music! As for Faizal, he reminds me of Chris Daughtry. Get it? He looks like a poser to me. I really hate his fashion sense. Superman? Eurgh Lame-O. He also remind me of that stupid looking superman obsessed guy in Nsync. Haha. Seriously, his performance each week was just the same and it gets a lil tiring. Don’t believe me? Why not let Dave Navarro and Gilby Clarke watch it, trust me, they’re prolly gonna say the same thing. He’s just like Magni: sings well, but nothing special. I am a rock fan. I don’t feel the same as the audience that night feels. Watch Rockstar again and watch the performances from Toby Rand, Dilana, Lukas Rossi, Storm Large, Mig Ayesa, Marty Casey, Jordis and JD Fortune. That’s rockin’ it.

The performances that night? It was great. It beat watching AF grand finale. AF is about too much drama and BS. Whilst OiaM tend to be straight to the point which I’m loving. I hate Aznil whenever he put on those fake dramatic effect, in which he took 30 minutes just to eliminate one single person. We usually end up cussing him and change the channels. I like Awal and Marion’s way much better. Who cares if the surprise was less dramatic. That’s not their intention anyway, to get tears and shit. Remember Jien and Cheryl? I like those two too. I also like Ashraf Sinclair in Mentor, simply because he can speaks both language really well, unlike JFK who annoys me a lot in the first season of Mentor. Aznil? I like him until AF 2. AF 3 and 4? The same elements being recycled over and over again and it is so annoying. I hate his show too. Simply because his jokes are lame and he tends to laugh at his own joke. Sick. I like Afdlin’s Bila Larut malam. It was the best talk show yet. Afdlin handle everything really well. Reminds me of David Letterman.

Hmph. I don't get it. Why did they put Dayang's performance after the guys? Why not put her with all the other girls during the performance? What? Those girls weren’t in the same league as her? Gimme a break already. Her performance was nothing spectacular. It was pretty much the same. I’m not hating Dayang, I like her song ‘erti hidup’ (I think I like it because of Afdlin. LOL). It was just that her trying to be Beyonce’s clone put me off. I was hoping Azfar was gonna sing that Dewa 19 song again, and I was glad that he did. I’m loving it.

Back to Suki. Of all the three contestants, I actually was rooting for Suki. As I stated early on, who cares if she’s gonna make it big in Taiwan and Hongkong with Mandarin song. It’s funny don’t you think? How the music industry works. Raihan performed with some rapper from the UK, and no one make a big deal out of it. Everyone knows Raihan, they performed all over the world, they went to Africa and UK and all. They had a growing fanbase. They had people there who actually knows their song and they’re not even friggin' malay. Yet, no one make a big deal out of it. A year ago or so, I visited this forum, there’s this American boy who talked about Poip Shuvit and their musics. They loved them. They’re big in japan. I was really proud to have Asian like Raihan and Pop Shuvit make it big. Yet, no one cares. Why? Because they’re not Siti Nurhaliza or Mawi. Sadly enough. I know what you gonna say, how about Brunei’s artists since I am a Bruneian. Let’s just say that I know Bruneian artists that performed in other asian countries, although they weren’t well known in Brunei. But hey, that’s how the Brunei’s Music Industry works.

Suki again. She’s great and I know she’s gonna do well. If anyone questione how did she end up winning? Lemme tell you why, remember in the elimination round, in which the judges ranked the contestants. Suki was numero uno and dayang was just behind her. The people seems to love the idea of having someone beating Dayang and her nonsense. The judges saw something raw back in the days. What she need is few more years to transformed those raw talents into something great. That’s how she get more votes than the others. She was ranked number one since day one. So, get over it you people.

Kisah Sedih Di Malam Minggu

Satu tragedi yang amat tragis telah berlaku pada hari sabtu yang lalu, 16 September 2006 sekitar jam 9 malam. Di waktu itu kami baru saja selesai menonton filem 'Pacifier' di Disney Channel. Sedang kami duduk-duduk di depan TV, kami di kejutkan dengan satu jeritan...

Lebih baik aku menceritakan kedudukan sebenarnya dulu. Kami tidak mempunyai kucing. Tetapi, sejak setahun yang lalu, kucing entah dari mana banyak mula menetap bersama kami. Kami hanya menerimanya. 3 ekor emak kucing dan seekor bapa kucing. Kami melihara mereka ini, memberi makan dan menyediakan apa yang sepatutnya. Mereka ini hanya kucing biasa. Tiada istimewa. Bukanlah kucing yang di jual dengan ratusan ringgit. Kami memberi makan ikan yang mamaku beli di pasar dan Whiskas. Memang ada ikan khas untuk mereka mamaku belika. kasihan katanya. Mereka juga bernyawa macam kitani. Hampir setiap bulan ada anak kucing di lahirkan, dari emak kucing yang berlainan tentunya. Tetapi entah kenapa, anak kucing ini tidak pandai membesarnya. Selalu saja hilang semasa kecil. Pernah kami mendapati mereka di ambil orang, dan ada juga kadangkala di langgar kereta, pernah pula terbawa orang apabila mereka bermain dalam enjin kereta. anak-anak kucing ini memang nakal. Mereka sering bermain dan berkeliaran di depan rumah kami walaupun sudah di sediakan rumah untuk mereka di belakang rumah. Memang agak merbahaya kerana kereta selalu ada di depan rumah. Kalau hendak berjalan, kami terpaksa melihat kucing-kucing ini dulu. Memastikan kereta kami tidak melanggar kucing-kucing ini.

Aku ada dua orang kakak. Tetapi mereka tidak berani untuk menyentuh kucing. Yang seorang, memang mempunyai ihsan, biar panggilnya kakak 2. Dia selalu memberi makan kucing-kucing ini walaupun tidak berani menyentuhnya. Aku yang selalu di panggil untuk memegang kucing-kucing itu. Kakakku yang seorang pula, biar panggilnya kakak 1 memang takut kucing. Ketakutan hingga sampai di tahap menyepak dan memukul kucing-kucing ini. Pernah sekali dia melanggar salah seekor emak kucing. Emak kucing itu pula tengah bunting. Kasihan. Aku masih ingat bagaimana kau merawat emak kucing yang patah satu kaki belakangnya itu. Ku usap-usap dengan minyak gamat. Syukur, akhirnya dia sembuh dan kandungannya pun selamat.

... mamaku bergegas ke pintu. Bertanya kepada kakak 1 kenapa dia menjerit. Dengan marah-marah dia memekik-mekik memarahi kucing. Ku fikir dia menyuruh kami menengok-nengokkan kucing yang berkeliaran. Apabila berlari keluar, ku lihat ada 3 ekor anak kucing berlimpangan di atas jalan seperti di tembak askar jepun.

"Kenapa kau inda liat-liat dulukan? Cubatah liat-liat. Ani bejalan tarus," Marah kakak 2.
Mama terduduk di sebelah tiang rumah. Menangis sambil mengusapi kucing-kucing yang di langgar itu. "Nyawa bah ni nyawa," katanya.

Kakak 1 marah lantas berjalan ke keretanya dan meluncur laju dari perkarangan rumah. Aku lantas menyuruh seseorang mengambil minyak gamat. Seekor kucing itu sudah mati. Yang dua ekor pula masih ada harapan. Tetapi mungkin agak tipis.

"Nada klinik haiwan kah dakat-dakat ani? akalu inda ku bawa ni malam ani," Kataku
"Manada. Semua di bandar," balas mama.

Aku mengusap-usap badan dua ekor kucing itu dengan minyak gamat. Kakak 2 membuatkan mereka susu Dumex dan menghancurkan panadol. Mama menyuapkan susu dan panadol yang di hancurkan ke mulut anak kucing itu. Kakak 2 meredah hujan ke jiran di sebelah, ingin meminta air gamat katanya. Malang, tidak ada orang pula. Kami memasukkan anak-anak kucing itu ke dalam kotak dan tuala untuk memanaskan badan mereka. Mama letakkan mereka di depan pintu rumah, supaya senang melawat katanya.

Anak kucing yang sudah mati itu di balutnya dengan kain putih dan di masukkan di dalam plastik. Hujan masih turun dengan lebatnya. Mama simpat Kucing yang mati itu di tandas. Kalau hendak di simpan di luar, takut di 'anggung' anjing. Setiap beberapa jam mama akan melawat kucing-kucing itu.

Malam itu kami tidur di ruang tamu kerana kami menjaga anak-anak kakak 1. Pada pukul 5 pagi, mama mengejutkanku. Anak-anak kucing itu sudah mati kata-katanya. Aku hanya mengangguk. Sedih juga mengenangkan 3 ekor anak kucing mati sekaligus hanya keraan keegoan dan kelalaian manusia. Orang kata, anak kucing itu nakal, suka bermain di sana. Tetapi, kita manusia yang di kurniakan akal sepatutnya lebih mengetahuinya kan?

Kalaulah ada klinik haiwan yang berhampiran...

MIB

MIB? Hmmm. Kalau Orang luar, mungkin katanya Men In Black. Kalau orang kitani, banyak loyar buruk di kepalanya, seperti, Mengandung Inda Beranak, Mesyuarat Inda Beranti, dan kalau serius, Melayu Islam Beraja katanya. Kelmarin, tengah aku memandu ke Tutong, terkenang pula subjek MIB yang di ajarkan di Sekolah Menengah dulu. Aku jarang masuk kelas itu, mungkin kerana kekurangan guru untuk mengajarnya. Aku ingat kami ada membuat kikik/layang-layang untuk projek kelas MIB. Aku kurang pasti kalau kikik kami mampu terbang, kami membuatnya pun suka-suka. Tiada teknik tertentu. Maklum saja, semuanya perempuan.

Di kelas inilah aku mengetahui, di Brunei terdapat 7 puak Melayu, iaitu, Melayu Brunei, Melayu Kedayan, Melayu Bisaya, Melayu Dusun, Melayu Belait, Melayu Tutong dan Melayu Murut. Setelah mendapat tahu, aku ingat, aku dengan bangganya memberitahu yang lain tentang pengetahuanku itu. Aku pula, seperti pernah ku nyatakan, anak jati Brunei berdarah Melayu Brunei dan Melayu Dusun, dan ada setitik darah Cina Dusun. Aku bangga dengan darah yang mengalir di badanku.

7 Puak ini mempunyai dialek yang berlainan. Yang paling biasa di dengar tentu saja Melayu Brunei. Di mana-mana kedengaran dialek ini di pakai. Ianya boleh di katakan sebagai bahasa harian orang Brunei. Bagiku pula, aku memang menggunakan Bahasa Melayu Brunei sebagai bahasa harianku, tetapi aku juga faham Bahasa Melayu Dusun. Ini adalah kerana Emakku Melayu Dusun, dan di sekelilingku pula ramai Melayu Dusun. Aku kurang fasih bercakap, tetapi aku tetap memahaminya.

Aku juga sering mendengar Melayu Kedayan daripada rancangan TV. Aku jarang sekali mendengar Melayu Belait dan Melayu Murut mungkin kerana aku tidak mengenali sesiapa yang boleh menggunakan dialek itu. Bahsa Tutong juga kadang-kadang kedengaran, emakku juga boleh menggunakan dialek ini, tetapi, aku tidak faham akannya. Ada satu rancangan radio yang mengajar dialek-dialek di Brunei ini. Aku suka mendengarnya satu ketika dulu. Apabila mendengar rancangan itu, aku mendapati dialek Melayu Bisaya dan Melayu Dusun ada persamaan serba sedikit.

Bahasa mengenal bangsa. Kadang-kadang orang kitani, walaupun kad pengenalan dan surat beranak mengatakan Melayu Brunei, kurang fasih juga menggunakan dialek ini. Aku tidak menafikan aku juga begitu. Aku di besarkan mendengar dua dialek yang jauh berbeza. Ini membuatkan aku selalu mencampur aduk kedua-duanya. Emakku seing menegur dengan percakapanku ini. Biar aku bagi contoh ayat.
"Apa kanasnya ma? Gerajai?"
Kanas adalah dalam dialek Melayu Dusun yang bererti lauk di dalam dialek Melayu Brunei. Gerajai pula adalah lemiding.
Kebiasaan mendengar kedua-dua dialek ini sebagai bahasa harian membuat aku mudah terkeliru.

Kadang-kadang, perkataan yang mudah pun orang kitani tidak faham. Aku pernah di tanya apa erti temparik oleh seseorang apabila aku menggunakannya di dalam percakapanku. Aku juga pernah di tanya adakah bangkawat itu binatang apabila aku menggunakan perkataan itu. Mungkin kerana kurang penggunaan perkataan itu membuatkan mereka tidak mengenalinya. Ataupun mungkin kerana sikap tidak mahu ambil endah yang menyebabkannya, kerana setahuku, perkataan-perkataan seperti temparik memang sering di gunakan.

Orang kitani, kadangkala malu menggunakan dialek-dialek yang memang sudah menjadi makanan harian. Ada yang enggan menggunakannya kerana berpendapat ianya di kelas yang agak rendah. Betapa ceteknya minda kita, bahasa asing pula di anggap tinggi martabatnya daripada bahasa yang melambangkan diri kita. Aku pun tidak kurang juga, kadangkala aku menggunakan bahasa asing. Tetapi bukanlah kerana aku memandang rendah kepada bahasa ibundaku. Cukuplah untukku menyatakan aku cuma mencuba, mampukah aku menggunakan bahasa asing untuk memudahkanku dalam pembelajaran. memang aku akui, aku kurang berupaya untuk menggunakan bahasa asing. Aku lebih selesa menggunakan bahasa ibundaku.

Apa kata kalau mengajar generasi akan datang dengan dialek kitani. Ajarkan di sekolah, seperti kami di ajar perembahan Brunei untuk peperiksaan PMB. Ajarkan seperti nilai-nilai murni di ajarkan di dalam mata pelajaran Agama dan Sivik. Ajarkan tentang negara seperti apa yang di ajar di dalam MIB. Supaya orang kitani tidak mudah melupakan dialek-dialek kitani. Jangan sampai bahasa asing yang menjajah minda generasi akan datang.

- Sekadar pandangan dari kaca mataku. andai terkasar bahasa, minta maaf sahaja yang mampu ku katakan -

The battle of the rockstars

Hmph. I miss campus life. I miss being able to hang out with my friends, went out for Nasi Katok or Soto at Hotspot, basically just goofing around with my girls. I can't hardly wait until next year when I get back to campus. I have 3 months to go. yay! I love the working world, but nothing beats the life of a student. It is so much drama. LOL.

Speaking of drama. No, I'm not talking about Ning Baizura's BDSM-ish Drama performance. I'm talking about Rockstar Supernova. So much drama in it. I remember watching Rockstar INXS last year. I remember digging Marty Casey after his killer Lithium's performance. I remember Jordis has always put up an amazing show. I remember there was no likes of Zayra and Jill in the show. I remember Marty Casey's original stuck in my head for days. I remember on the verge of crying during Jordis' rendition of Bowie's The man who sold the world. I remember having goosebumps watching Mart Casey did Mr Brightside - acoustic. I remember Mig Ayesa prancing around the stage singing Walk this way. I remember JD Fortune's California Dreaming. I remember Suzie's Bohemian Rhapsody. I remember loving Brandon Calhoon's Sweet Home Alabama. I remember none write lyrics like Dilana. I remember loving the show inspite of the fact that I'm not lowing INXS.

It’ll be you and me
Up in the trees
And the forests will give us the answers

It’ll be you and I
Up in the sky
It’s a combination for disaster

Now what's so remarkable about Rockstar Supernova? the show as a whole was just okay. I'm trying to recall the performances that stuck in my head. I remember Toby's White Wedding, Somebody told me, Karma Police and Mr Brightside, Lukas' Rebel Yell and Creep, Magni's I alone, I remember Zayra's performance for the wrong reasons. Same thing goes to Jill. I remember Stormy's rendition of Bowie's songs. I remember The originals from Toby, Lukas, Ryan and Stormy. Lukas' was way too emo for my liking. Stormy's was a bit radio friendly. Ryan's was something I could find playing in my car. Toby's was something I could find singing along and totally loving it. ~~~Oh oh oh oh oh~~ EVS baybeeee.

INXS was a bunch of old men trying to give another shot in their musical career with a fresh and young frontman. They did it with JD Fortune. I'm not loving INXS, and I don't grow up listening to them. I have nothing to say about the band.
Supernova (or whatever they decide on their name) was a bunch of established men in th emusic industry trying to prove themselves. I don't listen to Motley Crue, I have nothing to say about Tommy Lee. I grow up listening to Guns and Roses, all thanks to my elder cousins although I ain't a fan, just a listener, but, I believe Izzy Stradlin and Slash was the guitarist back then. I couldn't recall any Gilby Clarke. I have nothing to say about him either. I have a love/hate relationship with Metallica. I love few songs and hate few more. I have lots to say about Jason Newstead. I have no memory of Cliff Burton, most of Metalluca's videos and songs I came across feature Jason Newstead. He was like this ferocious bassist with tons of skills. Yesterday I was watching 'Nothing Else Matter' Live video that I have downloaded off the net. Jason was intense, and I was loving it. Having him in the band with the likes of Tommy Lee and Gilby Clarke worries me a little. I'd like to see him excel just like what he had gained with Metallica. A part of me telling me that this band wouldn't last long.

History says, established artists could have a second chance in the music industry. Take a look at Velvet Revolver and Audioslave. I was just not certain with Supernova. but hey, who knows, they might succeed with all the publicity they get. Furthermore, having a guy with punky getup fronting the band would get most horny teeny boppers buying the albums and tickets. Seriously, I like Lukas first time around. Somehow, over the course of the show, the whole emo, punky getup and 'someone strangled me' voice just turned me off.

Rockstar Supernova is over now. Next season of Rockstar? I'm expecting...
- Really good singer (This goes to Zayra and Jill)
- No Coldplay songs. I mean, seriously, Coldplay?!
- No songs that put me to sleep.
- Less Nirvana...
- Less repetition in songs selection. Come on, if I hear Lithium again, I might kill myself.
- Less drama.
- Killer original songs.

Until the next installment of Rockstar... with that I'm leaving you with my pick from Rockstar library


Toby Rand - Throw it away



Marty Casey - Trees

Lousy Saturday

Hmph. Malam sabtu yang lalu, aku menonton Anugerah Era. AE is one of those shitty anugerah. You know, the sort yang ask horny mothers and teeny boppers to vote. Hence, pemengang anugerah pun selalu not that good. They're okay, cuma, lebih ramai lagi yang way better.

AE 06 was no better. Mawi practically won half of the anugerah. Thank god he's still young, or else, jangan harap seniwati Zaiton & Maria dapat anugerah. Surely Mawi yang dapat. Haha.

The show was shitty. I almost fell asleep, until Spider and Pop Shuvit performed. I was like, Dude, thank god for Moots!. haha. Anyone seen the performance? Moots! is friggin hawt. I'm not exactly into M'sian artists, but, Moots! and Jason Lo are surely in my list.

I was uncomfortable when Estranged won instead of Pop Shuvit. As much as I like Rich, I still think Pop Shuvit deserves the award. On the other hand, I was glad some rock band won instead of Too Phat. Lagipun, that really was something. selalunya, juara AF yang awal dapat anugerah. Having Rich menang kinda pecahkan tradisilah. I'm loving it.

Nikki and zahid beating Mawi. I was ecstatic. The fact that I was watching with Mawi's fans(My parents and sister), makes me even more happy. In your face! haha.

Anyways, di mana aku boleh dapat CD artists M'sia? I'm not talking about Mawi you dumbhead. I'm talking about the likes of Pop Shuvit, Jason Lo, Disagree ... I really want it! Anyone seen Jason Lo in Amplified? I didn't see the whole show though. When my boyfie texted me telling me about the show, it was almost finished. That was one hell of a show. Way better than watching that friggin' over rated bald guy. C'mon TV stations, I'm sick of watching Mawi in every events. Enough already with those manufactured puppets. Give us something real. Pop Shuvit is friggin real. At leats, they know what they're doing!!!

Back to my lousy saturday watching AE. The sixth sense? who the hell was this freaky looking chimps? sheesh. Pretty Ugly? I don't like that song. I missed 'Francis Ford Coppola' and 'CD Bagasi Honey'. That Diari song ain't as good as their old stuffs! The other performance? Not worth mentioning. The 3 Diva's drama was alrite though. I like the BDSM touch in their clothings and settings. haha. pervert! I like the colouration. I was laughing my ass watching the fashion show. that was plain dumb. and one designer did something that was inspired by Marilyn Manson or something. That was funny. I mean, c'mon, Manson? Haha. So Form 3 kids Metal wannabe lah. I should've prefer if he mentioned Amy Search. Amy Search is one hell of a Rock icon. dari segi pemakaian and attituce. He used to remind me of Billy Corgan when he was bald, and sometimes, when he sings, he reminds me of Scott Weiland.

Nie Cha can't hardly wait to see Rockstar this week. The whole AE thing kinda ruined everything. I need something that makes me smile apart from Slapshock and Pop Shuvit.Those who loves to dissed Asian artists, stop. They are tons of really talented asian artists out there, cuma lack of exposure.

Nie Cha signing out. ~~~~Nanananananana~~~ (Do it like Majusiah's did)

(3) : Scumbags of the earth

Mental Note : My writing is no better than Dilana's. You have been warned. There's actually a deeper meaning behind each words. I don't write these shits to look so fucken GOTH with these whole shitty gory craps. It was just my way of hiding my feelings. Oh Craps! why do I even need a disclaimer? Just read it, you can either love it or hate it. For all I care, there are actually people who appreciate my writings. Without your knowledge, you might have been stumbled across my writings. Bleurgh...

Mannequin

She came like an angel in despair
Looking for a lost soul
In the bloody world of blood suckers

It’s getting dark
She sprung from her sleep
From her hundred years of fear
She rise from her death
Leaving her tortured soul behind

She sat on her grave
Howling for the unknown
Digging her own grave
She burned her heart, her brain
Chanting her own name

She walked towards me
She took off her velvet robe
Her nude self staring at me
She was born again
Long gone the tear streaked face
Farewell the bloodstained persona

She came like a hurricane
With no feelings and emotions
Came unexpectedly
Leaving a painful memory behind
A mannequin with no direction in life
A lost soul trapped in the form of her

LUMUT
22nd January 2006


Lady of The Night

As the sun sets
As the rise of dusk
The foggy night crept slowly

Lady of the night
Walking friskily
In her thorn gown
Down the alley
Waiting for an angel

She whispered slowly
“o lord take my life. Take my soul”
She kneeled to the ground

She ran away
She Stumbled
Eyes staring at her
She wept

“lady of the night. You are the chosen one”
Whispered a voice in her head.
She stood by a glass window
Staring at herself
At her thorn gown, her smudge face, her pale skin
She stared until the glass shattered
Eyes staring at her

She ran to the beach
She kneeled on the sand
As the waves pulling her slowly to the sea
“o lord. I have given up hope”
She whispered.

17th January 2006
Lumut

Fright Night

cold nights
lonely
emptiness

bedazzled eyes
watching me
scrutinize my every move

scared
frightened

heard a step
close by
getting near
a shadow
hovering me

closed my eyes

a hand
tears

over and done with

30th June 2005
12.59 am
Lumut


Sorry.. No Ctrl+Alt+Delete in my poems. shucks...

The triangle and me

Music?! Yay! I enjoy bullshitting, talking craps about music. Not that anyone actually agree with my view on music. I practically hate the radio and MTV and Channel V. Haha. I mean come on, siapa mahu dengar such lame music? (No offense Tina. I’m sure you play cool music. Haha.) I only watch MTV and Channel V for those stupid reality TV shows and VH1. Haha. Pop culture.. *sighs* Oh yeah, I enjoy watching Reality TV shows simply because I enjoy cussing and bitching those people in it. Haha. Sic.

AF is over. Thank god! I couldn’t bear watching those freaking clowns performing on stage. I enjoyed watching the second season, but the fourth season was nothing but a late april fool joke. To think of I don’t even do April Fool. Keji sungguh. Mentor is no better than my ‘Darjah Pra’ performance(I played the TRIANGLE. Amazing!) Seriously, we were bad, and people still cheered for us. Mentor was really bad, except for this Punk guy who has a really good voice but such bad taste in fashion. Haha. One in a Million is slightly better than all those other crazy Reality TV shows. I’m not loving Aliff’s antics, prancing around the stage or Dayang Nurfaizah’s I want to be Malaysia’s Beyonce performance or Faizal’s Superman getup. But hey, it was slightly better. American Idol was even worse. I mean come on, who need sob story like Pickler’s? Who need a poser with a mic stand all over the stage singing Live’s? Who need a guy who dance as if he was electrocuted all through out the performance? I don’t mind watching Monkey boy though. I crowned him American Idol since day one. Rockstar?! Hell yeah. Now that’s something worth watching. Although it was painful watching Zayra and Jill. I’m not loving Dilana. Oh, she’s just okay, sure she can sing, bla bla. But hey, she wrote the most dumbest lyrics ever! Hello, I don’t think those Supernova guys wanna write a song about girls and boys partying - oh well, maybe Tommy Lee lah. but still, it was plain dumb. My choices? Lukas Rossi, Toby Rand and Storm Large. I think Toby will most likely get the spot though. Storm is super delicious (nice rack!). Sorry Dilana, those tattoo and scary looks turned me off. Eurgh. Why do I even bother?

Back to the music I love. I've always been into Rock and Metal. If I just know how to play any musical instrument I'd probably end up forming a band. unfortunately enough, my musical ability is only stuck with the TRIANGLE. No Metal band want to utilizie the triangle. why create the triangle if you know it's no use? Argh.. The only choice left for me is to be a listener. stupid.

Some people has this stupid notion on Metal scene. Like my brother once told me that all those rock and metal band are actually preaching on Christianity. LIES! System of a down is jew! Haha. Epica sings about pagan and craps. sheeesh.

I love Gothic Metal. No, Evanescence is not Gothic Metal, they're friggin' Nu Metal. Those posers claimed they're Gothic because they're stupid and have no clue on shits! I am so bitter. Dude, I love music. What the hell is Gothic Metal then? I have no clue. haha. I am just a poser like the rest of them all. I am no better than them. The only thing that set me apart is I don't dress like I am mourning for some dead relatives. I love black, but I don't wear black like 24/7! Sure, I love heavy eye make up, with all those black eye liners and all, but not because I'm freakin' Gothic. It makes my eyes look pretty. As if I'm not adorable enough. I love to wear black boots, well, that's what sexy legs are for right? Haha. I love vampires since I was 11 years old! It has nothing to do with Goth! Blame it on Christopher Pike and his Vampire books - and Anne Rice too.

Back to the question. What is Gothic Metal? Beats me. Let's forget that, and talk about extremely good music. Tiamat, Tristania, Theatre of Tragedy and Moonspell. Now those are really good musics. I haven't heard the new sound of Theatre of Tragedy though. Liv Kristine sure sounds good. Forget Amy Lee, she is nothing. Liv Kristine is the real deal.

I have always love female fronted band. It's prolly kind of fetish or something. Hehe. I love Leaves Eyes (Liv kristine is numero uno in my list. such mesmerizing vocals), Within Temptation (Everyone knows this right? I gave up on them though. sucky now), Nightwish (Not a fan. I just wish Tarja's replacement is way better than her- due to the fact that I never like Tarja), Gothica (Dark, eerie musics with Alex's haunting voice), Lacuna Coil (Cristinna Scabia... pretty with a voice, but sucks as of now), Lullacry (Tanja, I think), Guano Apes (The now disbanded German band), Flowing Tears (I have like this vivid imagination of Benjamin Buss and Helen Vogt with me... haha), Epica, Tapping the vein, Gingerjake (I once stated that if I was a guy, I'd screw Amanda Harris. She's friggin' hot), Killing Heidi (I think every male is lusting for Ella Hooper), Garbage ... Just to name a few..

Of course, being a normal girl I am, I love man. *drools*. Not just any bloody male fronted band. Haha. I love Dry Cell (My number one band), Dark Tranquillity, Adema (I just love Marky Chavez... well...), Tristania, Sirenia(Hell yes to Morten), Dysfunktion 212 (Angsty songs and ferocious and yet sweet vocals of Dave Wasierski. He's so sweet. He's the only person who told me I have such a beutiful name. awww), Trivium (Hailed as the new Metallica at such young age, although at times Matt Heafy sounded so emo. Lusting over Matt Heafy won't hurt either. haha), Lacrimosa (they sings in German. male+female vocal. Tilo Wolf is just one of those rare species. Multi talented oh that guy), Mushroomhead (just because J Mann is no longer in the band doesn't mean I'm not loving them anymore. still my favourite) and... lots more...


Okay... I'm done for now. ciao!

Senyum

Ma ajmalal qamara (Betapa cantiknya bulan)
Fi laili inzhahara (Di malam kelihatan)
Mutabassiman hulwan (Semanis senyuman)
Bainan nujumi sara (Di antara bintang-bintang)

Aku kurang pasti dengan maknanya. Cukuplah dengan apa yang aku faham. kalau ada salah silap dari segi makna tolong beri tahu ya. Itu adalah baris-baris dalam lagu Qamar (bulan). Ia adalah lagu arab yang di nyanyikan oleh kanak-kanak Arab. Aku membeli kaset nyanyian ini di Mekah 9 tahun yang lalu. Kebanyakkan lagu-lagu di dalam kaset ini berbentuk alam semula jadi, seperti asshams(matahari) dan Assahajarah(pokok). Aku pun tidak ingat lagu apa lagi, sudah lama aku tidak mendengarnya. Maklum sajalah, aku sudah tidak punya pemain kaset. Haha.

What’s my point? Beginilah, kenapa kita tidak membuat lagu-lagu yang catchy dan jauh lebih bermakna untuk kanak-kanak. Aku bosan mendengar kanak-kanak menyanyi lagu yang jauh lebih matang untuk usia mereka. I mean, come on, a 10 years old nyanyi lagu Siti Nurhaliza? Give me a break already. I don’t mind listening to Dian Sekotak dan Pimping Unggat-unggat, tetapi bagaimana dengan kanak-kanak masa kini? Aku pernah mendengar kanak-kanak menyanyikan lagu cinta entah apa di satu pertandingan nyanyian. Aku jadi bosan. Act your age lah.

Kalau mahu menyanyi lagu yang popular pun, janganlah nyanyi lagu putus cinta, kehilangan kekasih apa. Sakit telinga aku. Nyanyi lagu untuk bapa dan emak kah, kawan kah, datuk dan nenek kah ataupun guru kah. Kalau tidak pun, nyanyi lagu Raihan. Jangan ketawa. Lagu Raihan memang bagus. Aku suka. I know its kinda odd coming from a self proclaimed Goth Mentalist (haha). Seriously, lagu-lagu nasyid memang seronok di dengar. Raihan ada lagu seperti 25 Rasul, 10 malaikat dan Sifat 20. Senang menghafal untuk periksa. Haha. Biar aku buktikan dengan sedikit lagu dari 25 Rasul…

“… Selawat ke atas Nabi. Sejahtera ke atas Rasul. Nabi-nabi yang di utuskan, mereka semua adalah Mulia. Adam Idris Nuh Hud Salih Ibrahim Lut Ismail Ishak Ya’kub Yusuf Ayub Syuib Musa Harun Zulkifli Daud Sulaiman Ilyas Ilyasa’ Yunus Zakaria Yahya Isa Wal akhirul khatimul anbiya’ Muhammad Al Mustafa…”

Betulkan? Aku pun mula hafal nama-nama 25 Rasul sejak wujudnya lagu ini. Jadi, aku sarankan semua untuk mendengar lagu-lagu Raihan. Bukan saja lagu-lagu Raihan, kumpulan Nasyid yang lain pun juga. Kadang-kadang lagu seperti ini mampu membuatkan kita berfikir panjang. Mari kita menyanyi bersama-sama…

“… Bangkit segar seirama
Meluruskan rentak safnya
Riuh rendah
Basah lidah
Kalam wahyu mewangi di taman
Semerbak harum bingkisan annur
Beterbangan tinggi keintifada
Merentas misi risalah suci
Mewangikan taman yang di cemari…” Rabbani – Intifada

“… Ingat 5 perkara sebelum 5 perkara
Sehat sebelum sakit. Muda sebelum tua. Kaya sebelum miskin. Lapang sebelum sempit. Hidup sebelum mati …” Raihan – Demi Masa

“…Wahai tuhanku. Ku tidak layak ke syurgamu
Namun tak pula aku sanggup ke nerakamu
Ampunkan dosaku terimalah taubatku
Sesungguhnya Engkaulah pengampun dosa-dosa besar…” Raihan dan Yasin – I’tiraf

“... Let us find a way to know of our God
Fear the tortures of hell fire
Think of pleasures of paradise
Find a way to get Allah’s love…” Raihan – Rayuan Rindu.

Oh. Cukuplah aku menyanyi. Jalanilah harimu dengan gembira dan bersyukur selalu. Ucaplah Alhamdulillah. Itu saja. Bak kata Yasin dalam lagu Alhamdulillah, ‘Syakirin ala kuli nikmah’. Aku tidak berapa pasti, tetapi seingatku begitulah. Senyum selalu.
Kawanku pernah berkata kepadaku, ‘Ibtasimu Daiman Li anna Ibtasimuki Hulwan’. Nahunya aku kurang pasti, mungkin ada silap. Tetapi apa yang ingin di sampaikannya adalah Senyum selalu kerana sesungguhnya senyumanmu manis. Cheers.

Kiamat Sudah Dekat (2)

As I mentioned earlier in my previous post, I was really scared with the whole apostasy issue. It scares me. My friend, Elmi, called me last weekend, asking me what’s been bothering me lately. I told her that the whole apostasy issue freaks me out. Especially after reading those apostates testimonial. I decided to read some Muslim converts’ Testimonial. I felt so much better. As Elmi put it, just to balance it. There are many interesting testimonial from our fellow brothers and sisters that just touches me.

Kita di lahirkan sebagai Muslim sejati. But we take things for granted, while they spend their time searching for the true light, the true religion. Mungkin memang sikap manusia. Aku bukan menyindir sesiapa, tetapi, ianya lebih bermaksud ke arah diriku sendiri.

Elmi asked me about the whole Lina Joy issue. Kataku, kalau dia hendak menukar agamanya di dalam kad pengenalannya, biarlah. Elmi pun setuju. Katanya, apa guna kalau Islam sekadar di kad pengenalan kalau dia sendiri bukan Muslim lagi. Kenapa? Perkara ini perlu ditangani lama dulu. Tetapi bukanlah dengan kekerasan. Aku pernah membaca di dalam satu website Islam dan satu lagi, tentang hal murtad. Katanya, mereka yang hendak keluar dari agama Islam perlulah di ajari dengan Islam lagi selama 3 hari. Tapi dengan lembutlah, janganlah dengan kasar. Ajarlah mereka the beauty of Islam. Sedarkanlah mereka dalam masa 3 hari. Selepas itu, jika mereka tetap enggan berubah, barulah mereka di bunuh. Well, if the country mengamalkan hokum syari’ah that is. Wallahu’alam.

Perang sana sini bukan? Memang menyedihkan. Malas hendak melihat berita dan membaca surat khabar. Sedih melihat mereka yang tidak berdosa. Teringat pula dengan Ustazah yang mengajarku Qura’an semasa tingkatan satu dulu. Ustazah ni sering memberi ceramah kepada kami dan menegur kami kerana bacaan yang tidak lurus dan sebagainya. Dia sering bercakap mengenai hal Palestin dan Israel. Katanya, buang masa saja hendak buat surat perjanjian, orang Yahudi mesti buat lagi, sudah termaktub di dalam Al – Qura’an. Bila di fikirkan lagi, sudah separuh dekad peperangan Palestin dan Israel, berbagai-bagai surat entah apa di tandatangani, tetapi keadaan masih belum berubah. Ada benarnya kata Ustazahku itu.

Aku bukan racist ataupun segalanya. Tetapi nyata, Kaum Yahudi inilah punca segala perang. Amerika pula ku umpamakan seperti cheerleaders. UN pula ku umpamakan seperti patung yang bertali, talinya pula ada pada di tangan Amerika. Amerika kaya dengan pembekalan senjata. Sebab itulah mereka suka perang. Tanpa perang, mereka akan menjadi miskin. Kadang-kadang aku terfikir, mungkin peristiwa september 11 adalah propaganda Amerika dan Yahudi semata-mata. Taleban hanya mengambil nama. Alang-alang di tuduh, akui sajalah. Haha. Dunia memang tidak pernah senang. Tanpa perang siapa hendak menonton CNN dan BBC? Kejinya.

Biar ku akhiri post ku ini dengan sebuah lagu yang amatku minati. Setiap kali aku mendengar lagu ini, aku sangat emosi. Lagu ini menggambarkan dunia sebenar. Apa yang berlaku sekarang ini.


Damai yang hilang – Nowseeheart

Tercalar pelangi di hiris gerimis
Senja pun merangkak menutup mentari
Terbias warnanya ke wajah

Lagu kedamaian tiada kedengaran
Bumi yang merekah di sirami darah
Kemelut melanda tiada kesudahan
Kemusnahan bermaharajalela
Yang lemah menjadi mangsa

Anak-anak kecil menggoncangkan ibunya
Yang lemah longlai tak lagi bernyawa
Jeritan suara batinnnya tak siapa mendengarnya

Tergadaikah maruah oleh janji-janji
Terbayarkah dengan nyawa dan darah
Soalan yang tiada jawapan

Kemanusiaan telah lama hilang
Kini yang tinggal hanya ketakutan
Musnah kasih sayang dan persaudaraan
Tandus akhlak dan keimanan
Menyemai persengkataan

Aku, Kau, Kamu, Nazi dan KKK (2)

Perkauman dan buli. Apakah hubungan diantara keduanya? Apabila perasaan dan prinsip perkauman di tanamkan di dalam diri kita. Timbul rasa ingin membuli. Betul kah?

Kita sering berbangga dengan diri kita. Kita orang melayu, dikatakan cukup sifat. Anak jati melayu lemah lembut, baik budi bicara, bersopan santun dan ramah mesra. Betul kah?

Saban hari, aku menyaksikan kawan-kawanku membuli dan mengata seorang pemuda berlainan bangsa. Hanya kerana dia berbangsa etnik minoriti, itu menjadi ukuran. Tanpa mengenali dirinya dengan lebih mendalam, dia menjadi bahan umpatan dan bahan lawak mereka. Kadangkala aku beristighfar apabila tersedar yang aku melayan kawan-kawanku mempermainkan pemuda itu.

Nah. Kemanakah larinya kriteria-kriteria yang sering dikaitkan dengan bangsa melayu? Kemanakah hilangnya ramah mesra dan baik budi bicara? Di era moden ini, semua kriteria-kriteria itu tidak lagi menggambarkan anak melayu masa kini. Salah siapakah semuanya?

Wajarkah ibu bapa yang dipersalahkan? Atau keadaan sekeliling? Ataupun media massa? Jawapannya senang sahaja. Kesemua di atas adalah faktor kecil. Faktor besarnya adalah diri kita sendiri. Ya, ibu bapa bersalah kerana tidak mendidik kita sedari kecil tentang menghormati kaum lain. Ibu bapa sepatutnya menggalakkan anak-anak mereka bergaul dengan lain-lain kaum, terutama kaum etnik yang hanya sejumlah minoriti di Negara kita. Media massa sepatutnya memainkan peranan untuk mengajar masyarakat yang kian leka dengan perkembangan dunia. Alam sekeliling apalagi. Kalau sudah ramai yang bersikap sedemikian, yang lain pun mula terikut-ikut.

Sudah aku katakan, faktor besar adalah diri kita sendiri. Semasa kita di kategorikan sebagai kanak-kanak, mungkin kita tidak seharusnya menyalahkan diri kita sendiri. Fikiran kita belum cukup matang. Tapi, ketika usia makin meningkat, dan akil baligh. Tidak kan masih tidak tahu menilai yang mana buruk yang mana tidak? Tidak kan meningkan ke alam belia, 20-an, masih berfikiran kurang matang? Bodoh sangatkah anak melayu kita sampai tidak tahu membezakan buruk baik tindakan mereka? Setentunya tidak bukan.

Sekadar renungan bersama.. Semoga timbul keinsafan.