these tears...

depression hits me like a bitch! I hate crying. I hate it. and yet, here I am crying and hating myself. at times like this, I just wanna die. and get over it. you know?...

this stupid moodswings. why can't I just be happy? why do I keep on masquerading my feelings.. letting others know that I'm happy.. why do I smile to them when deep down inside, I'm all scattered... 

oh lord please help me...

Sorry...

I believe that things happened for a reason. Like all those things that happened to me, they changed me as a person. It made me see things differently and appreciate certain aspects in life. It made me more aware of people's intention, so that I wouldn't fall into another trap. Last thing I need is to witness my life crumbling in front of me.

It's funny to know how people perceived me back then, and how I am now. I was told I was serious and a temperamental back then. Yes, I can't believe I actually vent my anger on random people back then. something I wouldn't do these days. and what's killing me was the impression they have on me till these days. *sighs* I need to treat people better. so, to those who I have mistreated back then. I am terribly sorry. I now know what a horrible person I was. I am trying to change and please give me chance to redeem myself.. XD

oh, and I actually have this person calling me out for jual mahal. excuse moi, that means I'm just not into you. and another person who keep on saying I'm pemarah. hello~~ I don't like talking to you! get it? LOL. terribly sorry... 

wanna get my attention? make me laugh.. play along with me, put a smile on my face. it's as simple as that. sheeeesh.

sorry

I'm sorry that I'm not perfect

I'm sorry that I can never be who you wanted me to be

I'm sorry I failed you

I'm sorry I can't make you happy

I'm sorry I was even born

I'm sorry that I'm stupid

I'm sorry that I'm rude

I'm sorry that I'm ugly

I'm sorry that I have flaws

forgive me for what I'm lacking

forgive me for being me

I can no longer hide my emotions

I'm already dead inside

I can no longer take this rejection in life

I'm losing hope

I can no longer dream

I'm all shattered

I've been hurt

I've been stepped on to

I got no place to go

I can't sleep anymore

I'm tired

with these tears

anxiety

bloods

don't try to understand me

just love me

just want me

just need me

just reach for me

just hold my hand

just hear me breathing

emptiness wrapped me up like a cocoon

I am so lonely

... and loneliness kills

17.02.09

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5 Jun 2009

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5 Jun 2009

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